Dear Diary,

I was up and ready for the day by 4:00 am.  I wanted toast for breakfast.  There were 7 slices of my “Dirty White” left; so I decided to make a savory bread pudding for dinner.  I looked in the refrigerator and saw that little bottle of Prosecco and a few eggs.  I hadn’t been shopping in a while, and wondered if any store other than 7-11 was open?  Then I remembered that Co-op place.  I had enough time to shop, and get to work by 5:15 am.  My boss comes in late on Thursdays because she lectures at the Business School downtown.

I was on the other side of my front door when I received a text from my boss.  It read: “I was in a rush this morning and forgot to feed Ancel and Axel…  Be a dear and take care of them for me.  The food is in the giant walk-in freezer, in the basement.  You should remember the security code.”  I responded that I remembered the code and I’d be there soon.

Ancel and Axel are gorillas!  Yes, my boss has pet gorillas.  I have a healthy/reasonable fear of gorillas.  Once, when I was at the zoo, a gorilla locked eyes on me and broke through its bullet proof glass enclosure.  I froze.  I had no idea what to do.  Everyone knows what to do if confronted by a bear: DO NOT RUN!  STAND YOUR GROUND OR BACK AWAY SLOWLY AND DIAGONALLY.  IF THE BEAR FOLLOWS, STOP.  Has anyone ever declared what to do if a gorilla is suddenly on the loose and “making eyes” at you?  No.  I fainted and what happened next made the evening news…  I’m fine now…  I simply prefer not to share space with gorillas!