Dear Diary,

My walk to the bakery usually takes less than 10 minutes.  But with this morning’s relentless pounding rain, it took an agonizing 20 minutes!  Along the way, I stepped in a doozy of a puddle; lost my footing and dropped my bag.  My bag was fine.  But my phone fell out, and landed in another deep puddle.  I probably looked crazy trying to resuscitate that thing.  I don’t know what possessed me to do CPR!

When I got to the bakery, I smelled fresh coffee and wondered why “Cleopatra” was in so early.  Then she came running out of the kitchen and said, “Guess what?”  I told her I was upset about my phone and couldn’t guess.  She said, “My power is out…  I slept here.  I’ve been watching TV and drinking coffee all night.  And, I ate all the doughnuts…”  I thought that was odd but it hardly seemed like breaking news.  Then she said, “Try again… Guess what???”  I said, “The Mayor’s wife is pregnant!”  She slapped her thighs and said, “Insane… That’s totally in-saaaaane!  I can’t believe you guessed it right!!!”  Then she added, “The Mayor’s wife has to be on total bedrest.  That means she’ll be in isolation for at least 12 to 14 months!”  I knew “Cleopatra’s” math was off but kept it to myself.  Then “Cleopatra” said, “The Mayor’s wife was artificially inseminated either before or after her trip to China.”

I didn’t know what to believe; so I busied myself in the kitchen while “Cleopatra” took a much needed nap.  Then the bakery’s phone rang.  It was my boss.  She said, “I’ve been texting you all morning.  It’s rude not to respond ASAP!  Or maybe you need to upgrade that flip phone?  Whip up enough chili and cornbread for a Roman legion.  The Mayor’s wife is pregnant with septuplets!  There was a crazy mix up at the fertility lab– they lost the Mayor’s specimen.  The Mayor’s wife is carrying fetuses fertilized by at least five anonymous male donors!”  What?  I was confused.  Nevertheless, I made the chili and cornbread with added vegetables for good health!

“Chile-Cheese ‘Corn’ Bread” recipe from the book “Everyday Grain-Free Baking” by Kelly Smith