Dear Diary,

It was 4:00 am, and I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten to unplug my alarm clock!  I knew I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep; so I looked at my boss’s email.  The subject line read: “A savvy woman knows when to say when!”

The email read:

“I’m closing shop effective immediately!  I’ll donate any and all leftover provisions to a food bank kitchen.  Please put your keys through the mail slot by the end of business tonight.  In addition, you’ll receive a check worth six months salary plus a generous bonus for being such dears and seeing this as a win-win situation!  I will now dedicate my time and attention to my new business venture: The Savvy Woman’s Business League Of North America with franchise opportunities available in: India; The United Kingdom and Australia.  I hope and trust you too will find something suitable to your respective passions.  While this is indeed short notice, you’ll understand the logic after you’ve read my forthcoming book, A Savvy Woman’s guide to Business; Education; Art and Love– The 10 essential reasons for staying the course or ‘turning on a dime.'” 

I was genuinely happy for my (former) boss and emailed her a heart felt “Thank you” note.  She wrote back and asked, “What will you do?”  I answered, “I don’t have any definite (long term) plans nonetheless my sister invited me to join her and her family on an around the world sailing adventure…  But, today I’m baking cookies!”

“Perfect Paleo Chocolate Chip Cookies (vegan option, grain free, gluten free, dairy free)” recipe by Texanerin Baking
http://www.texanerin.com

For information regarding food banks try:

http://www.dccentralkitchen.org

http://www.lakitchen.org

 

Dear Diary,

I had a basket full of goodies; phone and umbrella balanced in one hand while my keys were in the other.  Just as I locked the bakery’s front door, I received yet another text from my boss.  It read: “Sudden change of plans.  Mother was hungry.  I made a delicious roast chicken; Parker House rolls; creamy garlic mashed potatoes; broccoli and lemon glazed carrots for supper.  Don’t hate me… but, mother would like a chocolate cake for dessert!  Still bring the banana bread– mother will have that for breakfast.  Take the soup home.  You have my permission to share it with your cats!”  I responded, “See you soon.”

Since my boss’s mother is a raging chocoholic, I had already anticipated her need for something potent.  That’s why I made Fran Bigelow’s “L’orange.”  Anyway, after I re-secured the chocolate cake (in the basket) on top of the container of soup and banana bread, I suddenly remembered the bakery’s daily bank deposit.  I had to visit the bank first!  The bank is exactly one block away from the bakery.  And, my boss’s mother’s house is three blocks away from the bank.

I was finally on my way to my boss’s mother’s house when a tall grey haired man approached me.  I thought he was going to ask what I had in the basket.  Instead, he identified himself as an FBI agent.  He told me, “We’ve been watching you and your boss for some time now.  We don’t have any proof, but we think she’s connected to the Mayor’s wife’s illegal transport and importation of aged zoo animals.  If you’re found to have any knowledge of animals that have been illegally imported/transported here, you could be charged as an ‘Accessory after the fact.’  That means you could face considerable fines and prison time.”  I swallowed and said, “What kinds of animals?”  He said, “Mostly large primates.”  I shook my head in disbelief.  Then he asked, “Would you be willing to collect evidence, i.e. wear a wire?”

“L’orange” cake recipe from the book, Pure Chocolate, by Fran Bigelow
http://www.franschocolates.com

 

Dear Diary,

While I sat in disbelief, “Cleopatra” checked her phone for more news about the Mayor’s wife’s arrest.  Then I wondered where my boss was.  She’s rarely ever more than 5 minutes late…

“Cleopatra” showed me her phone and said, “Look… the Mayor is having a press conference!”  An aide to the Mayor spoke first, “The Mayor will make a brief statement.  Please respect the Mayor’s right to privacy at this difficult time. There will be no questions allowed.”  Then the Mayor took to the podium and said, “My wife is innocent!”  The Mayor was about to leave when a reporter jumped up and said, “I’ve heard reports that your wife has been dealing in the illegal importation of animals since before you two were married.  There are allegations that she started her business, ‘Old schooled primates’, while volunteering at a refuge for aged former zoo animals in Africa.  Any truth to that, Sir?”

The Mayor seemed annoyed.  He shook his head and said, “The citizens of this city are too smart to fall for your smear tactics.”  The reporter continued, “Last month (when your wife was in China), she visited a giant panda sanctuary and was quoted as saying, ‘When the aged zoo animal loses his physical appeal he is retired to a wildlife refuge.  Perhaps it’s time to view them differently?'”  The Mayor said, “My wife’s comments speak to the devaluation of all animals as we age.  Furthermore, my wife was in China for medical treatments.”  The reporter sat down and the Mayor left in a huff.

I started to worry about my boss…  Then the oven timer beeped.  The chocolate chocolate chip cookies were ready!

“Totally Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookies” recipe from the book, Nigella Express, by Nigella Lawson
http://www.nigella.com
i-love-chocolate-chocolate-chip-cookies-by-akwelle-vallis

Dear Diary,

It was 2:00 pm.  And, still my day off!  I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had so much free time.  Anyway, the Mayor’s wife’s sister paid me in cash; so after counting it; I put the money in my wallet.  That’s when I noticed my Fitness Fantasy gym membership card. Interestingly enough, there was a Fitness Fantasy gym on Route 50.  I thought, “I’ll go to the gym!”  Then I looked at my membership card and realized it expired 2 years ago!  I didn’t require a bigger sign from the universe; so I drove on by…

Next, I saw the Bouncing Bubbles beauty salon.  I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had my hair done; so I pulled into the parking lot.  There was a sign in the window advertising a Makeover special.  I walked inside, and a receptionist greeted me.  I asked her about the special.  She paused before saying, “Can you come back tomorrow?”  I asked why.  Then she said, “Mr. D is at a hair convention…”  I told her all I wanted was a wash and blow dry.  I didn’t want a makeover.  She made a “hmmm” sound and said, “Well, Miss Tilly is here.”  Another pause.  Then she said, “It’ll be fine; I’ll tell her you don’t want the special.  You want the wash ‘n curl.”  I said, “No, I want the wash and blow dry.  I want my hair blow dried straight.”  She said, “Of course, we list it as a wash ‘n curl when you don’t get makeup.”

She escorted me to the back and handed me a smock.  Then she said, “I’ll wash your hair while Miss Tilly sets up.  Then I’ll walk you to her chair.”  To make a long story short, Miss Tilly was very  old.  I’m not an ageist.  I think  people should work forever.  Nevertheless,  I stopped the receptionist (before we reached Miss Tilly) and said, “I’ll pay for the wash and leave without the dry.”  The receptionist said, “But Miss Tilly sees you.  You’ll break her heart if you leave now.”

I gave in, and sat down.  Miss Tilly looked at me and said, “Let me give you some curls… boys like girls with curls.”  I looked at her and gave in again.  It was 6:30 pm by the time Miss Tilly was done!  She apologized for being a little slow.  Then Miss Tilly said, “You’ve been here so long; you need to eat.”  She opened a drawer; pulled out a ziplock bag, and offered me a few cookies.  She said, “I made these cookies this morning.  They’re like the Ritz-Carlton chocolate chip cookies except mine are better because I used plain m&m’s.”